There is one realization one has to come to grips with: how be financially stable and remain decent in your life till the end.
There are tests that all of us have difficulty overcoming  because it is enjoyable to do it again and again. There are many opportunities that life offers to each of us to begin again every time we fail to do good. This is the beautiful part of life's promise: We can continuously teach ourselves to do better every time we fail. There are even instances when what matters alone is the time you stand up after a fall and move on.
The twist of life's twists is that there are not so good things we do and keep on doing because we enjoy doing it. there are even moments when you have to scold yourself for being weak and sometimes cry and curse if only to awaken and really do what is better than the best so far.
So when it seems you find this dilemma up front: do not be so hard on yourself. Life is short and smile over this failure. then teach yourself again and again, like a child who seems to be in exhaustively open to life,

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